Communication

On Sunday I got a huge change of scenery, took a seven-hour trip up north to Ann Arbor and stayed tired the whole time I was there. The trip back today only took six hours. Only a handful of people knew I was going.
About a year and a half ago an old friend called me unexpectedly when I was in Ann Arbor on a trip. I hear from him about once or twice a year, if that. This time yesterday, again in Ann Arbor, he wrote to me by e-mail out of the blue to tell me he was in my hometown, where he had apparently never been until now. The coincidences just never stop.
I wrote to another friend yesterday but have received no response. Again I am left agonizing over whether I did or said something to make him mad, wondering why he won't answer. Again I try to tell myself, "It's him. It's not me. It's him. It's not me." Why does that never work? As I read over my words, I realize how silly they sound that I'd be obsessing over an un-answered e-mail. The answer goes to something much deeper, which includes years of history surrounding communication with him. I don't seem to be getting the message that I shouldn't be reaching out, that I am not getting answers for a reason. Maybe for more than one reason. It's really hard to let go sometimes. However I try to think about it, I can't seem to not blame myself. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.