Monday, February 18, 2013

Feeling the pull back and forth of how much a person gives versus how much he gets back are physics and mathematical problems, I believe. Someone told me he gives as much attention and love to a person as he receives, always, and he calls it the boomerang effect. Doing it on purpose is one thing, but when it happens unconsciously and both people are always giving everything they've got to each other, the effect can be a wonderful equilibrium of bliss and happiness and ultimate fulfillment. I wonder if the law of physics warrants this equal trade of energy and attention. It's draining and terribly disappointing if you give more energy, creative energy, thought, and attention and don't get the same back; eventually, or very soon, one will encounter a lack of will to keep giving and not getting back at the same level, and then it feels all very conditional. It's hard not to be disappointed in myself for putting out all that energy and not getting the same back, because I already know it will lead to disappointment, and hollow expectations, and I do it anyway.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The sun is on the back of my neck and shoulders, pushing me to believe I can shake off the negativity I've been feeling the last few days to make room for beauty and happiness in my life. One day I will act to not welcome this negativity in my life, first pretending negativity will not be the consequence to my actions, and then later living with the consequences that make me feel sad.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I heard!

This week I listened for continuing education credit to a judge talk about the importance of listening. I've been thinking about it for the past several days. This is a kind man, who thinks it's important to be respectful and civil and courteous when engaged in the practice of law. This civility he speaks of is a rule of professional responsibility ... and I was happy when I read it for the first time .... but, oh-what-a-surprise, it is not necessarily followed. The best thing he said was that when a person makes a decision about what someone else is saying, that person has stopped listening and fails to hear the whole message. It sounded pretty basic, but profound, and it was beautiful. So many of us are not good listeners. It made sense to me that it is because we prematurely judge (or just judge) and therefore tune out before we should. I've been talking a lot about listening lately, thinking about how good it feels when I know and feel that the person I'm talking to heard everything I said, and how bristly and frustrated and edgy I can get when I know someone has tuned out or will never get it because judgments have been made and I feel with pain that that person has nothing else to hear.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Food (and Juice) for Thought

Last year I brought cashews and juice to a stranger at a car dealership who sold me a car headlight bulb and installed it for me. He was installing it just to be nice, and, as he said, because he wanted me to come back. He cut his hand in the process of installing the light bulb on something sharp inside the hood of my car. I told someone that story and that someone said I was creepy for bringing gifts back to him. I saw the same guy today, as I was coming back to get something else on my car fixed. He walked out with me to look at the car and I told him he helped me last December. He said he doesn't remember. I told him I brought him juice afterward. He said, "Oh, I remember that. That was the nicest thing that happened to me all year." I laughed and said, "Well, but you cut your hand ...." Creepy? Magical? Sometimes there's a fine line.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


My wise and thoughtful friend Suchanderina said recently, "If you give away too much of yourself too fast, you will get hurt." I've had my heart broken three times in less than a year, she observed about me. I wasn't counting. If you never give any of yourself, then you can be just as miserable. I guess I have to look for a happy medium somewhere, as usual.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Silly shortcuts that aren't much shorter

Cake mixes are silly. Taking an extra step or two by using a recipe to make a cake is healthier and much more delicious. I am in disbelief that I had not discovered this long before now. I wrote the same thing about spaghetti sauce many, many months ago.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Creativity was Living Under a Rock

Today I took a beautiful black and white photo, a portrait against some trees and a little sky. I made my subject laugh and captured a bit of true happiness, and I was satisfied with it on the first try. I was assigned to take this photo, and I was determined to do something creative with it in a job I have that occasionally and miraculously calls for the artistic nature in me to emerge. I also created a glorious dinner this morning that cooked all day and was perfectly and deliciously ready when I wanted it in the evening. On a small scale, I created what I probably alone consider a little magic today, and that is enough.