Today clarity arrives in the form of thinking about life as solving a series of problems, from a mathematical context, like an equation. One day, variable A plus variable B creates a problem, and C is the solution, which I will eventually find. Or I know about variable A and I know C, the solution, but I don't know how to find variable B. And then I find it. The more and more time that goes by in my life, I see that each problem has a solution and that I have the power to find it. Maybe this clarity came from my good friend, Djeneba. She always has a clear way of looking at things, and I don't. My problem that I talked to her about today is that I have an old friend who has consistently backed out on plans we have. I've been friends with both of them for more than 20 years. Djeneba said I have to figure out if I want to address the problem or let it go. Do I want to tell this person I have a problem maintaining a friendship with her because of her consistent habit of not following through with the plans that we've made? Or do I let it go? It's got to be one or the other. Years ago I came to the conclusion that I would let the friendship go. That I was not going to confront the problem by talking to her about it, because it seems like it would be pointless and no good would come out of it. Then she comes back into my life, and the same problem comes up again. This time I can choose again to let it go. Again it seems that no good would come of me trying to explain to her that I want her to be different. Is that me not solving the same problem, or am I now solving a new problem with the same solution?
Lately I haven't had much to do or think about, and books haven't interested me that much, so I embarked on the form of time travel that I know how to do, by looking at some old stuff I've written and photographs from a couple of years ago. Now all I have to do is figure out how to move forward. I have a couple of projects in mind, like making a table leg stop being wobbly, gluing a wooden box back together and painting my next mandala.
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Some people back out of plans, not because they don't care about you, but because life just gets in the way. Some people shouldn't makeplans they can't keep, but it happens all the time and if you can think of all the other things you love about your friendship --then it probably shouldn't matter. And,sometimes joking about things like that more comfortably gets the point across easier than a serious conversationwould. When I tend to back out of plans with friends usually it's because of pure exhaustion...the kids, the family....stuff like that.
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